The reason why I am ashamed of Wednesday's class is because I didn't give it my all. I was lousy,sloppy and annoyed. The reason why is that we were working on the one thing I really don't like-sparring. I used to like sparring. It feels like it just got less fun and I stopped wanting to do it. I even admit I didn't even want to come to class on the weeks that it was sparring before I got to poom belt. It mostly comes from a few reasons,like the gear and the amount of time. Let me explain-
The gear,because I can't kick very high and I always feel like I can't move around very quickly. I feel like it's part of the reason I get hot and tired so quickly,and that frustrates me. The other part of the problem is when we do continuous sparring for long periods of time. I feel like I can't breathe or even catch a good breath and I really need water. I think I do better when I have water breaks. I can definitely feel the change in my mood when I get really tired and thirsty. I think I stop more and don't give the match my full attention. My moms sometimes give me advice "Use your back kicks" or "combos!" and try to cheer me on "come on ,Kaelan!" But,instead of looking at it as cheering on and suggesting help,it makes me angry at them. After my Mom read this blog she told me that if it's a distraction or that if I don't want them paying attention and cheering,they can simply watch just Sophia's class on sparring days. If the person that I'm sparing is tougher,sometimes I can't help it and I feel like I'm getting emotional. I know sparing with people that are better than me is a helpful way to learn,but I also know that when I spar against people that are just hitting me as hard as they can,I don't want to continue because even with gear,it hurts and I'm really not learning technique.
I know I need to improve my attitude toward sparing. I know we are going to be gearing up every Wednesday for at least awhile.If anyone has any ideas for me that will help me get into a better zone when it's time to spar, I would appreciate it. I hope none of my fellow testers have the same problem I'm having.